Even though nobody may ever read this or any other possible posts I make in the future, I feel as if I should introduce myself and give a little background on my life to the internet in which I’ll receive unrequited attention.
My name is Ciarán, yeah strange name right? Well, not for me. I’m from the Republic of Ireland and I’ve quite a traditionally Irish name. I wouldn’t say it’s common here but it’s not a name I haven’t heard before. Anyway, enough about my name. I come from a town called “Navan” in North East Ireland. It’s not that far from Dublin. I travel to Dublin for college everyday. From when I was a child I know that I was “different” but to be honest, I think everyone thinks this way sometime in their lives.
In school it was kinda difficult for me. I remember my first day of school. I had my Pokémon lunch box and a bag consisting of nothing but some food that I probably didn’t eat. I made a friend from the first few minutes, before even going into the classroom, some kind of orientation I believe it was. I made friends with a guy called Mark, I guess we were the first to start talking because we had the exact same Pokémon lunch box with pictures of most of the Pokémon that existed at the time, there wasn’t much because in 2001 there were only two generations. I still love Pokémon, the amount of friends I’ve made by a franchise from the other side of the planet is amazing. Even though I don’t talk to them anymore I don’t know who I’d be as a person if I weren’t friends with them in the past. The reason I’ve stopped talking to them isn’t because I fell out with them or anything we just casually stopped over time. I moved school. One of the things, still to this day, I wish my parents never made me do. The school I moved to was in the middle of nowhere. I mean nowhere. Although I was young I knew what I did and didn’t like. The attitudes of the people were different from what I was used to. I’m not judging them but it just wasn’t as comfortable to me. I mean, I came from a school where you could make friends with someone based on any interest possible, where there was a broad range of different types of people to a place where everyone knew everything about everyone, they were quite basic in my own eyes, they talked about the same things over and over, day after day, I don’t know why but I got quite depressed there, never telling this to my parents, probably because I didn’t even know what depression was until a long time after I’ve experienced it. Anyway, it’s over, “Et es wie et es”.
Now that I’m in university, like for anyone, a lot has changed, I have a better life than I did. I don’t even want to talk about my secondary educational experience. Right now, I study Language and Translation. I have a huge passion for languages since I was young, maybe it’s the only thing that actually came from moving to that school where they focused on Irish a lot more than my older school. I speak 4 languages pretty well, I could say fluently but I’d rather be modest. Irish, English, Swedish and French are my best languages. However, I adore Japanese. I love Japanese culture, food, language, history and society.私わ日本語がだいすきです。 Luckily for me, it’s mandatory that I live and study in Japan for at least a year as part of my university program. It took a while for me to decide what I wanted to do in life, I mean to study, I’m not finished yet. In school I was either going to go into medicine, general science, pharmacy or international language. I’m happy I chose language. My dream right now is to work for the European Union as an interpreter and translator but that might change. One day I might just be like “fuck it” and move to another interest. What will be, will be, I don’t really care as long as I like what I’m doing. Right now, I like what I do even though I don’t feel like I really belong in this country nor do I like traveling over 5 hours per day to study, sometimes maybe only for one class. It’s bullshit but when I can afford accommodation in Dublin city like one of the rich kids, I’ll take it without second thought.
Sexuality. This is a big chapter in my life. Something in which I am still confused upon. I find it hard to believe how sexuality can have such an impact on someones life, I mean, it shouldn’t. It really shouldn’t. I have never accepted myself for who I am. Never. My parent’s don’t know I’m gay but I’ve told all my close friends. I knew that they’d accept me for who I am but I just have this constant fear and anguish that build up inside when I feel like someone is going to think I am any different or strange just because I like guys. I wasn’t always gay. Well, maybe I was but I just didn’t know it. I used to like girls, a lot. I never had interest in guys at all until recently enough and by this I mean for the last 2 or 3 years. I’ve had girlfriends, but I didn’t really feel anything. I guess because I was just following society’s norm, not even bothered to find out who I actually was, again because I didn’t want people to think of my as a different person. I’m not effeminate in any way and I don’t follow what ever gay stereotype some people may have so if I were to be normal for being gay, I’m not for society’s standard. I don’t even know how to put it in words. Only for the past few months I don’t really care what people think anymore. My friend’s know and if they don’t like it, it’s their problem, not mine. Even though I’m only accepting myself for who I am I still find it hard not being able to talk about certain things in order to be “normal”. I never really understood what the fuck normal is. Yet I try to be it. An oxymoron of its own in which I can only deny the person I’ve always been to change it. That doesn’t even make sense.
What makes me happy? I don’t really know to be honest. I’ll just go what I like to do in my free time. I like reading, I’ve been reading for a long time and it’s been a pass time of mine for years, don’t cringe but I love books like The Hunger Games and Divergent trilogies. I’ve read all of the Harry Potter series years ago, I know I liked them but I forget mostly of what they’re about. I love Pokémon, as I’ve already mentioned at the start of this boring introduction ;-;. Anime and manga are awesome, the only reason why I would enter the library other than to get a book. I’m a big metalhead. I love the older bands like Metallica, Slayer and Guns n’ Roses. The newer bands would include Linkin Park, Paramore, Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, Red Hot Chili Peppers I know some of them are alternative I love them both. I also like some k/j-pop. Big Bang, EXO, YUI, Vocaloid, Miku Hatsune and some more too, mostly from anime, mainly from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood.
Where I’m at now. I’m just finished the college semester and waiting for exams to start. I’m also just back from France. I was there for a month. Actually it was my first time there too. It was strange, I mean, I’m fluent in French and then going to a place and being able to use it for the first time in my life on a daily basis, it just felt amazing, it was the first time in my life when I’ve finally accomplished something. I attended classes over there, in Lyon to be exact. I also worked in a high school (Lycée) and a Lawyer’s Cabinet. It was the best experience I’ve ever had and I can’t wait to do it in Japan for 12 times longer. I couldn’t tell you how much Erasmus is a good idea.
Anyway, this is getting way too long. I hope to keep posting here, I don’t know if anyone will even read this. I’ve had a blog before where I got views but I deleted it, maybe I can start from scratch again. See you soon people~ またね~